Going Going Gone

Know whats really sad? When a friendship breaks apart within a matter of seconds due to one person's romantic feelings towards the other. That's one thing I hate about having guys as close friends. In the beginning, I didn't mind giving it a try because I did kinda like him but towards the middle to the end, things just didn't turn out as I have pictured it. I think I was just caught up in the moment. I should've never agreed into taking that next step with him; talking as more than friends. Because if it wasn't for that, I'm sure no feelings would get hurt.

At times I want to speak to him like before as if nothing was wrong but its just too awkward now. I feel the tension between us, the last conversation we had was very dry and it wasn't the same anymore. It's a damn shame. Another friendship down the drain. It's too late to say anything now. I wasn't straight forward enough about things and I kept holding back until he forced it out of me. That was what I was trying to avoid, TALKING ABOUT IT. I knew exactly what I wanted and that wasn't it. I wanted to go back to being just friends, just myself, just me. I felt very selfish for doing what I did but I wasn't feeling it. I guess things really do happen for a reason.

I wonder sometimes why I do this. Why I unintentionally hurt others without realizing, until they let me know at least. I didn't mean for us to end up all awkward and ish. "From strangers, to friends, to more than friends, and back to strangers again." Oh well, i guess. Whats done is done. But I admit that it would've worked if I tried. Something was holding me back and starting something new with someone else was too overwhelming. When it all comes down to it, i simply wasn't ready to jump into a new relationship. I'm sorry.