Dancing With Tears in My Eyes

I'm feeling so depressed. I haven't felt this sad in a long time. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just wanna lock myself in my room and cry. Cry until I can't cry no more. Yeah, Im a big baby but thats how I cope with things. Recently found out something about one of my close friends. She secretly fucked me over and NEVER said one word to me. At least, she could've had the courtesy to tell me what she did, or she shouldn't even had done it at all. How can she do this to me?? And all this time... Ugh, im so disgusted i don't even want to think about it.

I feel betrayed and hurt. Its been 2 days since I found out and I still can't seem to let it go. I always confided in her when I was feeling upset. Now I feel so kinda stupid. I want to act as if nothing was wrong but its a little hard at times. So what do I do?

For the past couple days, I been playing the voices in my head over and over. After work, i would come home and go straight to my room, think abt it, and cry about it. I wish I was a stronger person, that can just keep it inside. At times, I would feel much better after I let out all the tears. It's like deja vu, except it happens over and over and over everyday.

Sigh. Gonna watch a movie to get my mind off of it -.-

Ju Hua Tai

I feel a little sad today. My sister Tiffany left to Florida this morning and she's not gonna be back until a week later. Today is also Mother's Day and unfortunately my mom is out again. She brought my brothers with her to go eat pho at my uncle's house. I'm not gonna lie I'm really craving for some pho right now but I hate going over to my uncles' cuz his wife's such a bitch. She's always annoying me asking me hella questions about my life like she's a cop or something. Lets add the fact that she's also been trying very hard to convince me to come and live with her for several months now but I KNOW. She only wants me as a babysitter for her 2 kids so she can go gamble. Pfft, yeah right. So NO I WON'T LIVE WITH YOU. Goshh.

& the main point for this post is because I'm alone in my house.. LOL. My cousins, friends, and everyone else is spending time with their mom EXCEPT for me. I don't know I just feel like I barely see her anymore and we live under the same roof. How sad is that? She's always with her boyfriend and when she's not with him, she's at work. I really miss her and today I wanted to spend time with her ALONE. Just me and her, mother and daughter time.

Sometimes I think back and wonder, am I a bad daughter? Is it because I haven't actually been with her for the past 3 years that I feel the need to make up that loss time now? Well my sister and I also bought her 2 bouquets of roses but now I guess its just laying there.. on the table.. with no water.. wilting.. drying.. waiting to die.. -.- Nah, I'm just being dramatic it's in a pretty vase LOL. Maybe it's cuz I'm just being extra emo for no reason. But then again, I'm a momma's girl!! Can you blame me?

Oh well, I guess I'ma just deal with it today and go have fun with the crew tomorrow. So once again, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all the beautiful moms that held it down since day one, EXCLUDING hoodrats and money hungry baby momma beeetches :P

Danger Made Me

Before i go into deep blogging, i wanna get one thing straight. I have a very low tolerance for hypocrites because in my book, hypocrites are undercover liars so therefore they can't be trusted. To protect their privacy since im SOO nice, they'll remain nameless. I jz dont respect how this person feeds me all this bullshit and then turns around and does the exact opposite. What annoys me even more is this person had the nerve to tell me otherwise when they're at fault. Are you fucking serious? Well from now on im not speakng to any shady people with suspicious intentions, so if you're one of them feel free to bounce out my life.

On another note, i've been thinking soo much on my future. I already know ima be back in school soon for neo-natal nursing yet I also want a backup.. besides nails. My mom insists on forcing me to go to nail school. Sry mom, ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Sure it makes plenty of bank esp since summer's around the corner but i think i'ma pass on that. Shouldn't it be what I want? I love my mom with all my heart but I jz don't like being forced to do things. Matter of fact, my cousin Kristen & I were on the phone the other day and she told me I should be a gogo dancer at a nightclub or bar. LOL. Sounds cute but ehh, i don't think it's for me. I used to want to get into some import modeling since some of my cousins had connections around here, but now its like I don't even care for it as much as I did. I guess you can say its pretty played out now. So then she brought up bartending instead. I'm actually considering this figuring its pretty cheap to get a bartending license. And it sounds fun to work at a club anyways. So now i'm doing some research atm.

I feel a lil overwhelmed with the future but i'm thankful my life's going in a bright and positive direction. You never know what's in store for tomorrow. Well i'ma end it here because it's so HOT and im gonna refresh myself with some watermelons and possibly hittin up the beach in a few with the ladies hehe. Later gator<3